


tantalus's remedy

by halokeys



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Accidental Kissing, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Choi Beomgyu Is Bad At Feelings, Emotional Constipation, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Misunderstandings, my friend while reading this: RAFWRARWRFHDJWHSATSFWHSGD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:35:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28588131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halokeys/pseuds/halokeys
Summary: He thinks of the look in Beomgyu’s eyes, the gentle touches that the cameras never see, the way he’s holding his hand right now, tenderly but so desperately, as if he’s afraid Taehyun will slip right through his fingers if he lets go, and realizes thatmaybe he’s been blind all along.or: Taehyun kisses Beomgyu and then they both do stupid things, but they're stupid together so it's all okay.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 128





	tantalus's remedy

**Author's Note:**

> BIG BIG thanks to yune for reading this au and hyping me up enough for me to post it :D ily!!

Here’s the thing. Taehyun’s usually really good at keeping secrets. Sure, he’s loud and snarky and loves to speak his mind, but he knows how to keep quiet when it’s needed. In fact, his self-control is something he prides himself on and his ability to resist temptation is extremely admirable, according to Soobin at least. With that said, Taehyun doesn’t know how he ended up here, curled up under his covers in his dark bedroom, doing everything possible to avoid Beomgyu.

The whole fiasco started during promotions. The instructor, looking at their panting forms in pity, had signaled the end of dance class an hour early and Yeonjun and Kai had immediately made a break for it, barely having risen from their bows before throwing their belongings haphazardly into their bags and dashing out the door. Soobin dazedly followed them out moments later. Shakily, Taehyun stumbled to his feet from his spot slumped against the couch, and, bidding the instructor a half-hearted farewell, was headed for the door as well before catching a glimpse of Beomgyu dragging himself back to the stereo.

“Beomgyu, you coming?” He tried, hoping and praying that he wasn’t planning on staying back to practice. Beomgyu was notorious for that and even their instructors would complain that he was pushing himself too hard at times.

Beomgyu ran his hands through his dripping hair and then waved dismissively at him. His back was turned but Taehyun was sure that the stubborn expression that had become Beomgyu’s trademark was plastered on his face again. “Yeah, I’ll be there in a few. I just need to run through the bridge a few more times, don’t wait for me.”

His tone was firm but his words weren’t convincing. Taehyun had heard these exact sentences countless times before, only to come back hours later to find Beomgyu passed out on the floor. Every time he or Soobin had to carry Beomgyu’s limp form back to the dorm, he vowed to himself to never let this happen again, yet he could never seem to keep his promise. Sighing, Taehyun stepped away from the door and plopped back down on the couch.

“You know you can’t fool me with that right? I’m staying with you.” He glared at his reflection in the mirror to avoid Beomgyu’s incredulous stare. “I could use some more practice myself, anyway.”

Beomgyu clearly didn’t believe him, but he started the music again anyway and Taehyun dragged himself into his starting position. A few run-throughs later, Taehyun’s shirt was once again soaked with sweat, and all he could think of was a nice cold shower when they got back to the dorm and a steaming hot bowl of ramen and—

Suddenly, he was falling to the ground with a throbbing pain shooting through his shoulder. Beomgyu was lying on the floor under to him, groaning and rubbing his side as he tried to sit up. It was no use, as he soon realized, due to the fact that Taehyun was lying almost completely on top of him with no clear intention of getting up any time soon, and he flopped back down on the floor again. They stayed there for a few minutes, catching their breath, and Taehyun opened his eyes a sliver to peek at Beomgyu’s face, closing them again when he saw Beomgyu staring blankly at the ceiling. _He must be frustrated_ , Taehyun realized.

“Sorry about that. I guess I was distracted.” He grimaced at the recollection of the collision.

Beomgyu sighed and waved him off. “It’s alright, it was probably for the better anyway. We should get back before our manager calls.” he said, letting out an exhale. Taehyun could feel his body relaxing underneath him.

Taehyun nodded his agreement but neither of them made a move to get up. He turned his head to look at Beomgyu properly. His bangs were plastered to his forehead and his cheeks were flushed bright red against his unusually pale skin. He’d never admit it out loud, but Taehyun really loved this Beomgyu. Not the tired, worn out part, but the way his cheeks flushed pink and his lips turned slightly redder due to the exercise and his voice got slightly deeper and huskier. More than he’d like to admit, Taehyun found himself wondering what it’d be like to kiss those lips, but he’d push the thoughts away as fast as they came, mentally screaming “Back! Back!” while poking at them with a stick. There was no room for romance in their profession and especially not with a group member who they spent pretty much every waking hour working with. Not that Beomgyu would ever feel the same anyway, but Taehyun thought the extra security was needed for his own emotional stability. 

He realized he was staring once again. His gaze drifted slowly from Beomgyu’s fairy-like eyelashes to the sweat droplets on his nose to his lips. His mind was hazy from exhaustion, the only thought running through his mind was what it’d be like to kiss Beomgyu, and he just couldn’t for the life of him muster up the strength to shoo it away. Before he knew it, he was surging forward to press his lips against Beomgyu’s.

Beomgyu stiffened underneath him and Taehyun’s blood suddenly ran cold. He pushed himself off Beomgyu and scrambled to his feet, slapping his hand over his mouth as he scurried around picking up his belongings, eyes focused nowhere, everywhere, anywhere but at Beomgyu, who was still lying spread-eagle on the floor. Except this time, he was looking right at Taehyun. Taehyun still couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Oh my God. Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—I’m so sorry. I-I’ll go. I’m so sorry.” he stammered, voice barely a whisper. His heart was hammering inside his chest and he felt like he was about to faint.

“Taehyun—”

He didn’t hear the rest of the sentence, slamming the door behind him and sprinting down the hallway towards the safety of their dorm.

That was about 2 weeks ago and they’ve barely spoken since. Taehyun refuses to think about it, but of course, it’s all he can think about. The feeling of Beomgyu’s lips against his, soft and tasting of the strawberry lip balm he had borrowed from Taehyun, haunts his every waking moment and taunts him in his dreams. He can’t even look at Beomgyu without being overcome with shame. He doesn’t have to, though, for better or for worse, because Taehyun’s been avoiding him so determinedly he’s almost proud of himself for how well he’s doing. Almost. Because he still can’t forgive himself for how stupid he was. There’s a sinking feeling in his stomach that hasn’t left since that day and the guilt of ruining their relationship eats away at him every time the memory worms itself into his mind. It’s torture, not knowing how Beomgyu feels (though he knows it definitely can’t be anything good considering the way he’d frozen up when Taehyun kissed him), but he’s not ready to face the cruel sting of rejection so he’s settled on avoiding the cause of all his sufferings for as long as physically possible.

Unfortunately, said cause doesn’t take lightly to being ignored, even in situations as dire as this. Taehyun’s sneaking into the kitchen to grab a quick snack before bed when he hears a throat clear behind him and startles, dropping his packet of Cheez-Its on the floor. _Maybe if I don’t look, he’ll go away. Maybe if I don’t look, he’ll go away. Mayb-_

“We need to talk.” Beomgyu says.

Taehyun sighs, shoulders drooping. His day of reckoning has come. Maybe if he’s fast he can make a break for it. He turns around on his heel and fakes to the left before dashing towards Beomgyu’s right. He almost makes it out of the kitchen, but Beomgyu’s just a tad faster than him and grabs him by the wrist, yanking him inwards so Taehyun spins into his chest with a yelp. Immediately, his cheeks go up in flames and Beomgyu, realizing their position, quickly releases him but keeps a firm hold on his arm. There seems to be a faint blush on his cheeks, but it might just be the kitchen lighting.

“ _Taehyun_ ,” Beomgyu reiterates. “We need to talk.”

Taehyun stares at his feet but makes no move to break away, letting Beomgyu drag him towards his bedroom. When he pushes the door open, Soobin’s sitting on his bed reading but Beomgyu’s glare and firm “out” send him scurrying out with an apologetic shrug towards Taehyun, who only pleads at him with his best puppy dog eyes. Beomgyu sits cross-legged at the head of his bed and gestures for Taehyun to take a seat. He doesn’t look mad, which is probably a good sign. Just tired and maybe a little fed up. Taehyun feels kind of bad now.

He sits at the end of the bed, as far away from Beomgyu as possible, and Beomgyu doesn’t make a move to get closer. Instead, he stares at Taehyun like he’s analyzing him, his gaze slicing through him as if he’s reading him like a book. Taehyun opens his mouth to try to explain himself but Beomgyu cuts him off.

“Let’s just forget about it.”

Taehyun jerks his head up. Forget about it? Just like that? It’s not an outright rejection but it still sends a pang through his heart. Still, there isn’t really anything Taehyun can do about it. He made a mistake and Beomgyu doesn’t feel the same and he’ll just have to live with that. He nods slightly.

“Forget about it. Yeah,” he mutters, voice barely audible. “That sounds good.”

Beomgyu looks hesitant, like he still has more to say, but he nods too and sends Taehyun a tight-lipped smile. Taehyun can’t find it in him to return it and he turns his head away as he gets up to leave the room, not wanting Beomgyu to see the tears pooling in his eyes. Eyes trained on the ground, he speeds back to his room and locks the door, crouching down with his back pressed against it and his head in his hands.

“Fuck,” he mutters. “Fuck fuck fuck.”

They gradually go back to normal. Taehyun doesn’t avoid him as much anymore and he finds that Beomgyu’s presence still comforts him, although now the usual feeling of warmth comes with a cold little stab to the heart. It’s better than nothing, though, and Taehyun finds himself sinking back into his old routine. There’s a wall back up between them that he does his best to ignore. _It’s for the best_ , he tells himself. _Now you can start moving on._ But he knows deep down that he can’t. Not when he feels Beomgyu’s eyes on him every single second of every day, even when his back is turned. Not when he has to try to ignore Beomgyu’s relentless physical affection, repeating his mantra “don’t read into it” over and over in his head until he’s completely tuned out everything but Beomgyu’s hands and those four little words. Not when he’s forced to meet Beomgyu’s gaze and sees nothing but warmth reflected in those sparkly eyes. He doesn’t know what to do, how to feel, and he thinks he’s five minutes away from breaking down.

Turns out he doesn’t need those five minutes because the five of them are sitting in the practice room, laughing and joking, waiting for their instructor to come when he feels Beomgyu watching him again, but this time it’s different. He glances up and his smile freezes in place at the unfamiliar look on his face. Instead of the usual warmth and smile crinkle around his eyes, his eyes feel like lasers, red hot and intense. Before he can say anything, Beomgyu suddenly stands and grabs his wrist, wordlessly pulling him out of the room before he even has time to react. "Beomgyu, what are you doing? Beomgyu?" he tries. No response. Beomgyu drags him into a corner of the hallway where the cameras can’t reach and finally turns around to face Taehyun, face flushed and breathing hard. Taehyun still doesn’t know what’s going on. Is he in trouble? Is Beomgyu mad? Why would he be mad, though? Taehyun can’t remember having done anything else wrong, but maybe something’s slipped his memory?

“Beomgyu wh-” he manages before he’s cut off by a firm pressure against his lips.

Beomgyu’s— _kissing him?_ His back is pressed against the wall and Beomgyu’s hand is on his waist and his lips are on his and he’s kissing him so desperately and everything’s just _too much_. His limbs have pretty much gone noodle-limp but he musters up enough strength to place his palms on Beomgyu’s chest and pushes him off. Beomgyu looks a mess, lips slightly swollen, cheeks red and panting like he just ran a mile. Taehyun knows he probably looks worse, though.

“What the fuck?” he whispers. And then slightly louder. “Beomgyu, what the fuck?”

The fire in Beomgyu’s eyes flickers out, replaced with a cloudy look of confusion and worry. He opens his mouth and closes it, gaping at Taehyun in bewilderment, but says nothing.

Taehyun takes a deep breath, determined not to lose it right here in the middle of the hallway just because his best friend—and probably the love of his life, but what does it matter really (everything, it matters everything)—kissed him.

“You told me to forget,” he says and hates how broken he sounds. “You said to forget, Beomgyu, so I tried. I tried so hard to forget because _you asked me to_. Don't you understand? Beomgyu, why are you doing this?”

He’s getting louder and more agitated but he can’t find the will to control himself. It hurts too much and he’s so confused. Beomgyu just stares at him.

“Beomgyu, why?” he’s yelling now, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care. He pushes a finger at Beomgyu’s chest. “You wanted to forget! Why are you playing with my feelings like this?”

His voice cracks on the last sentence and his words echo down the empty hallway. There are tears welling up in his eyes, burning hot and angry, and he doesn’t want Beomgyu to see him cry so he pushes past him angrily, blindly stumbling down the hallway back towards the practice room. He doesn’t even look at the others as he grabs his things, ignores their sounds of confusion, (this feels a little too familiar) and is on his way out the door when Soobin stops him with a gentle hand on his shoulder. Taehyun registers how bad he must look, and Soobin must see it too because his expression morphs into one of worry and mumbles “I’ll tell the instructor you’re not feeling well. Go back, get some rest. I’ll see you after practice?”

Taehyun nods slightly and lets Soobin shut the door gently behind him, no doubt already explaining the situation to the others. He makes it back to the dorm okay and shuts himself in his bedroom, collapsing on his bed.

The tears finally come pouring out and he can’t stop them.

He’s woken up by the sound of someone humming. He doesn’t open his eyes right away, letting his mind clear up enough to engage in human interaction, and relishes in the familiar melody. He recognizes the notes as the beginning of Maze in the Mirror and the person humming it as Beomgyu. Taehyun briefly considers faking sleep to avoid confrontation, but he knows Beomgyu knows he’s awake, so he opens his eyes, glances up at him, and startles slightly at his appearance. His hair is all messed up, his eyes are swollen and his lips are bitten raw and Taehyun feels a pang in his heart at the sight. In the past, he would have pulled Beomgyu under the covers and hugged him until he felt ready to talk, but he’s held back by all the hurt and tension between them. So he keeps his hands stiff next to him and waits for Beomgyu to say something. He doesn’t, so Taehyun lets out a quiet “Hey.”

Beomgyu lip disappears momentarily between his teeth before he responds, “Hey.”

And Taehyun hates how hesitant he looks, how unsure he sounds. It’s so different from the Beomgyu he knows and all he wants is to wave it off, put on a smile and tell him everything’s okay, but he knows he can’t put this off any longer. Still, his mouth seems to have a mind of its own and blurts out “Did you need something?” before he can come up with the right thing to say. _Is there even a right thing to say in a situation like theirs?_

He sees the hurt flash across Beomgyu’s face and instantly regrets his words. He knows how it sounded, like he thought Beomgyu had to need something from him to be there and he didn’t mean for it to come out like that, but his mind is running a hundred miles an hour and he can't slow it down enough to think of the right things to say.

“Actually,” Beomgyu sighs, “ no, not really. Well, kind of...just, can we talk?”

Taehyun swallows down the lump in his throat, tells the little demon in his head yelling at him to say no to shut up, and nods, shifting to the side to make room for Beomgyu on the bed. Beomgyu still looks hesitant but climbs under the covers anyways and turns to face Taehyun, who’s analyzing the patterns on their ceiling.

He exhales, faces Beomgyu. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles, “for storming away earlier after...y'know.”

He has more to say but Beomgyu winces and starts furiously shaking his head so he shuts his mouth and waits.

“No, please don’t apologize, it’s my fault, anyway.” his voice is barely a whisper. “I shouldn’t have done that without asking you. I’m so sorry, truly, I won’t do it again. I promise.”

_No!_ Taehyun wants to protest. _I’d actually like you to do it again. And again. And again. You just caught me so off guard earlier and now I don’t know how you feel about me but I know how I feel about you and it scares me so badly because there’s so much I want with you but I don’t know if you want it with me so actually I’d only like you to do it again if you’d like to do it again but I really hope that you want to do it again._

He doesn’t say any of that, merely shaking his head a little. Beomgyu stops talking.

They lie there in silence, and it’s a little stifling, a little awkward, but he feels miles better now that the air is a little clearer. Suddenly, Beomgyu reaches up and slowly brushes a tuft of hair out of Taehyun’s face, and, realizing what he's doing, quickly retracts his arm, only for Taehyun to grab his wrist and pull it close. Beomgyu lets out a shaky breath and Taehyun suddenly realizes that he doesn’t want this uncertainty gnawing at the back of his mind for the rest of his life, doesn’t want to live with the regret of never knowing what could have been.

So he musters up every bit of courage left in his body and speaks.

“Did you mean it?”

Beomgyu looks at him questioningly. “Mean what?”

“A couple weeks ago, when you said…” he swallows. “When you said to forget about it. Did you really mean it?”

Beomgyu freezes and stares at Taehyun, the look in his eyes slightly frenzied, but imploring. He runs a hand through his hair once, twice, and says “I don’t know...maybe?” and Taehyun’s heart sinks a little.

But then he says “I was just...so confused. Tyun, I-” He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and finally makes eye contact with Taehyun. “I was scared, I guess.”

And Taehyun feels that awful twisting feeling in his stomach, dread flowing through his veins like ice water, and moves to back up a little. Did he really scare Beomgyu? He had only been thinking about himself, he hadn’t even considered how Beomgyu must be feeling. His best friend had kissed him and run away, of course he’d be uncomfortable. Tears prick his eyes again and he opens his mouth to apologize, but Beomgyu suddenly reaches out and holds his hand. Gently, like it was a fragile thing, and Taehyun lifts his gaze to meet Beomgyu’s and sees that familiar warmth in his eyes, except this time it’s accompanied by something else. Something softer, more tender, more affectionate. He realizes that it's always been there. Did he just not see it before, or did he continually pass it off as something else?

“Not of you, Tyun, not of you.” he murmurs, running his thumb over Taehyun’s knuckles repeatedly in a soothing pattern. “Never of you. It just...made me realize a lot of things all at once and it all got a little overwhelming, but it’s not your fault, okay? It was never your fault.”

His voice is so gentle and Taehyun relaxes a bit before fully comprehending what Beomgyu just said. _What realizations?_ he wants to scream. _What are you not telling me? What do I still not know?_ It’s like he’s solving a math equation with a missing variable and no matter how he manipulates the equation, he’s still left with one unknown. He’d always thought that it’d be better to keep his feelings hidden, that it’d be better to stay in the dark than risk ruining their precious relationship. 

He had been Tantalus, forever reaching, longing for the fruit he just knew would taste sweeter than any other. He knew that the kiss would ruin him, the sweetness of it forever bittering the possibility of any other, but the prospect of it was so alluring, so enticing that he couldn’t help but chase after it anyway, craving it so badly it hurt. Yet somehow, it had always been just out of his reach, dancing away whenever he reached out to grab at it and he had resigned himself to living without knowing the taste of that forbidden fruit. Until that day, when he’d acted without thinking for once and found out he was right and regretted it. Because now that he knows how Beomgyu tastes (sweet and with a hint of borrowed strawberry chapstick) and how his lips felt (silky soft but firm against his), he’ll never be able to escape the “what if’s” and the dreadful “it’s not the same”s.

But then he thinks of the look in Beomgyu’s eyes, the gentle touches that the cameras never see, the way he’s holding his hand right now, tenderly but so desperately, as if he’s afraid Taehyun will slip right through his fingers if he lets go, and realizes that _maybe he's been blind all along._

It’s worth the risk, he thinks. So he jumps, praying that Beomgyu will be there to catch him.

Taehyun scoots a little closer so their hands, still intertwined, are pressed snugly between their bodies, and glances down at Beomgyu’s lips, still red from all the biting. He looks up to meet Beomgyu's gaze, and, when he nods slightly, finally, _finally_ closes the distance between them. Beomgyu sighs and melts into the kiss, and Taehyun thinks that this is sweeter than he ever could have imagined.

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/halokeys)/[cc](https://curiouscat.me/halokeys) :]


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